Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
