i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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