So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need water and some morals
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