I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
A bitchslap is in order.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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