I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
