nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
