i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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