The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
