I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
