uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
