dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize