True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
