A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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