Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
