I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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