I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize