got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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