dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
