You can't motorboat a personality
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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