just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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