Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
