if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
