when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize