And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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