I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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