Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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