my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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