I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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