does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
