he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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