the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
