Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
