Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize