I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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