I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
