afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
