Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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