So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
