Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
