Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
