It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
