So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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