I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
