dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
