I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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