It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize