i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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