You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
