do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
