porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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