If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
