A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
