I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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