FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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