I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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