my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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