he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
