i just google imaged poop.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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