the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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