I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
