Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
