That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
