In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
