youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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