They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
