Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
