Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
