Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
