I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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