I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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