y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
People in love make me want to vomit
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
