This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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