I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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