After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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