I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
