i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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