my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
