3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize