We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
