you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
