i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
