i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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