Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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