Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize