Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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