If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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