I only kidnapped one of them. chill
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
