you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
