Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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