No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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