You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
