I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
