Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize