man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need water and some morals
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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