it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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