im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
