the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
